


Final Capture of Stalag 13

by Dunuelos



Category: Hogan's Heroes
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2020-09-06 10:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20289787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunuelos/pseuds/Dunuelos
Summary: A plot bunny I have contemplated since I was a teenager - 30 years ago. I always wondered what the scene would be when Stalag 13 fell to the Allied advance. This is what I think happened. Having just seen a rerun - it just had to come out.





	Final Capture of Stalag 13

**Author's Note:**

> I dont own it. Bing Crosby Productions own the rights to the Hogan's Heroes Franchise.

Luftwaffe General Burkhalter and Major Hochstetter of the Gestapo were meeting in Colonel Klink's office. They were there to deliver new orders.

"Things have become dire, Klink. There are both Russians and Americans advancing upon this area and if something is not done this camp shall be overrun. Therefore, I am ordering you to direct your men to attack the American advance here. Major Hochstetter is here to ensure these orders are followed." Burkhalter's superior tone was quite annoying.

The POWs, listening in via their bug, were quite excited. This information confirmed what they had suspected: Their part of this war was nearly over and the Germans were losing.

"I see. What about the prisoners? I have the responsibility to ensure they do not escape."

Major Hochstetter's harsh voice answered, "Anything which would give aid to the enemy is to be destroyed. This means that your men, before joining the defense, will take the prisoners out and shoot them all."

Hogan looked at his men with concern. This was not expected.

There was a pause and Klink said. "I see." There was movement and they heard a bottle hit the desk. "I have long seen this day coming. I will give the necessary orders. But first, will you two join me in one last toast to the Fuhrer before the end?"

There were noises of drinks being poured and Klink's voice said, "To the Fuhrer!"

The other two answered, "To the Fuhrer."

There was a pause and then an unexpected sound came through: Two loud thumps.

They heard Klink smacking his lips and the he called out, "Shultz!"

The door opened and they heard the voice of the Sergeant of the Guard. "Yes, Herr Comman … Mine Gott! What happened to them?"

"Abject stupidity. They will be out for at least an hour – luckily I have made myself immune to the agent used to knock them out. Shultz, it is time. Project Omicron." There was a pause. "You know what to do?"

"Yes, Reichsgraf Klink. I will begin immediately."

"Thank you. When the initial steps are completed, ensure Colonel Hogan is invited to join me." There was a pause. "Oh, for the love of God, never mind. Colonel Hogan! Once Sergeant Shultz takes care of the guards, join me in my office. Prepare your men to be armed by rifles out of the armory. Do nothing until Shultz takes care of … those elements which might prevent this."

Shultz chuckled. "I always wanted to speak to Colonel Hogan through the little microphone in the painting."

"Yes. Well, man. Go on."

"Yes, Reichsgraf."

There was a door opening and closing. Klink's voice came through once more. Hogan's men were looking at each other in astonishment. "Hogan, when you join me, ensure your men listen in – especially your radio man. He will need to communicate our coordinates to the American advance – I will not surrender Stalag 13 to those Russian barbarians. Oh and bring rope to tie up the good General and the Major. They are unconscious – but prevention is good policy. And they might prove to be valuable prisoners."

* * *

Hogan and the others walked to the window and watched as Shultz called for the Guard to assemble. He actually assembled ALL of the guard – even those who would normally be on the towers. He gave an order and the Guard reset itself.

Moving casually as though inspecting them, Shultz called out an order loudly. "Guard! Disarm! Drop weapons!"

Looking confused most did. Some did not. The row in back did not. They pointed their rifles at the other guards. They heard the next order. "Look behind you."

The other guards did and saw the weapons pointed at them. The remaining ones in the front rows disarmed and raised their hands. "Colonel Hogan! Bring some men out to take charge of these!"

The prisoners came out to see what the hell was going on. Shultze motioned for them to take the weapons dropped by the two rows. The final row put their weapons on the ground as well. "Colonel Hogan! As Senior American Officer in the Area, Stalag 13 surrenders to your authority. Do you accept?"

Trying to figure out what the hell was going on, Colonel Hogan replied, "I aceept – I think. What's going on?"

"The Commandant will explain. Oh. I almost forgot." Shultz walked down the first row of the guards and stopped in front of one particular one. He then quickly pulled his luger and shot the man between his eyes.

"What the hell?" a number of Prisoners exclaimed.

Shultz put his pistol away and said, "Gestapo spy. Neither one of us need one of those rats to make problems for us."

Hogan nodded. "I think I'll go speak to Klink."

Shultz nodded. "You do that. Behringer! Take an escort so that you aren't shot and remove all Nazi flags from the camp! Do it now! Berndt! Go to my quarters with an escort and retrieve the trunk below my bed. The key is the same as the cooler. At the bottom, below a false bottom, you will find four American flags. These will be raised to show any invading force that this camp is under American authority. Do it now!"

"Yes, Herr Sergeant!" Both men rushed off to follow these orders, four armed prisoners following them – still confused.

Shultz turned to Sergeant Newkirk. "Sergeant? Might I suggest having your people search the guards to ensure they have no weapons? Then they can be placed within the building 11 – you have no escape tunnels from that building and it is therefore more secure."

The prisoners followed the orders of their leaders and took the German guards prisoners. No guard was mistreated other than the one that was killed by Shultz.

* * *

Colonel Hogan arrived to the Commandant's office with two American airmen. Upon entering, he saw the two unconscious forms and the Commandant – wearing a very outdated and non-standard uniform. This was not the uniform of a Nazi officer but of the old Prussian nobility. "Ah, Colonel Hogan! You brought rope! Good. Good. If you can have your men disarm and secure these two, we can make some progress. Your Sergeant Baker is listening, I hope?"

"Yes. He is. I wasn't aware you knew."

Klink chuckled. "I will explain when the American advance arrives. Now, if you look at this map, the Russian advance is here." Klink pointed to an area north and east of the Stalag. "The American advance is here." A point to the west was noted and Hogan noticed the Americans were closer. "However, your people's advance is moving this way." He showed the road the Americans were taking and it veered away. "The Russians are coming almost straight here. I would appreciate the Americans take a detour and take control of this area – I do not wish to die a cold death in Siberia."

Hogan nodded, watching Klink. He ordered Baker to go ahead and make the call. Confirmation came through a phone call to Klink's desk from the radio room.

"Very good. Let us have a cigar and a brandy and wait. Ignore that bottle – it is poisoned. I have much better."

The two smoked and drank in silence until the heavy sounds of tanks and trucks could be heard on the road. Appearing at the gate were elements of the 9th American Army. The prisoners at the gate saluted and opened them for the army to enter the camp.

Soon, a General's Staff Car arrived and the two Colonels moved to welcome the new arrival on the front steps of the Commandant's Office. Klink stood to the side as Colonel Hogan saluted the General.

The General accepted and returned the salute. "Who the hell is in charge of this place? And why is this man not in custody?"

Colonel Hogan answered, "Colonel Hogan, former Senior POW and currently in charge of Stalag 13. General Simpson. This is Colonel Klink, former commandant of Stalag 13. He was ordered to kill all prisoners and to impede your advance with the guard available. Instead of following those orders, he captured the German officers who gave the order and then surrendered this camp to my control. He was waiting for your arrival before explaining what the hell is going on. I have two men holding guns on Luftwaffe General Burkhalter, head of the Luft Stalag division, and Major Hochstetter, SS Officer in charge of the Hamilburg area."

The General's eyes lit up and the names of the prisoners. "Well, let's see them then."

The three officers, two American and one German, entered the office – after a couple of infantry entered first to ensure it was safe. They found Hogan's cheerfully greeting the new arrivals. All of them were holding guns toward the two trussed up men.

"Well, Colonel, maybe you two can explain now?"

Klink nodded."Of course! But first, would you like a cigar and a brandy? Some stories are better with these. I happen to have an extra box you may have when my current one runs out."

The General sighed and nodded – once he saw Hogan give a slight nod. He accepted the cigar and brandy and sat down.

"Now, if you will indulge me, I would have these two understand exactly how unpleasant their life is about to be."

The General gave a tight grin and nodded. "Go ahead."

The former commandant walked up to the two and, with a grin, started slapping them. "Wake up! Wakey, wakey! It's time to face your demons! Come on now! Wake up!"

The two officers started to stir and Klink walked over to a pitcher of water and poured a cup. He then walked back and threw it in the two men's faces – at the same time. They splutterered awake.

"What?" Burkhalter cried as he tried to clear his eyes without his hands. "What is going on?"

Hochstetter cried, "Klink! I will have you shot!"

Klink looked at the American's with an expression which said, "What can you do?" The two grinned. He turned back and said, "Major? General? I have the sad duty to inform you that you are now the prisoners of the American Army. Your exalted positions mean that you have valuable intelligence and I am certain that these fine men will enjoy wrenching every bit of it from you."

Finally the two men's eyes cleared and they saw the tableau around them. They looked at the smiling Klink. Burkhalter asked with some shock, "Why have you turned traitor against the Fatherland?"

Klink's expression turned outraged. "Traitor? I? I am no traitor. If there are traitors within this room it is you two."

"We are what you always claimed to be: Loyal German Officers!"

Klink chuckled. "I never claimed to be that. I always claimed to be a Loyal officer – but never German. You see – I am Prussion. I come for a family who held Prussian nobility for several generations. When the Kaiser called us to war – I went. I fought. I fought the British. I fought the Americans. I killed many. But I never hated them. Like a proper officer, when I killed them, I honored their service in death and never defaced them. I always took care to return their bodies as was proper. When I captured them, I did not degrade them. And when the war was lost, I understood that in any war – one side must win, one side must lose. And we lost."

Klink sighed. "I love my motherland." He looked at the two. "Yes, MOTHERland. As an officer, I took the orders given to me. And then – then people like you helped to put a madman in charge of our people. Our land. A despotic madman was allowed to lead us all to RUIN. And you. You did nothing. No. More than that, you helped him. How many did you stab in the back to achieve your position? And you, Major. How many innocents have you ordered killed to sate your base desires? How many have you ordered shot to make an example? Where is the honor?"

Klink took a sip of his drink. "I could do little. I was one man. Working in headquarters, I reviewed reports of prisoners captured. And one report caught my eye: A certain Colonel Hogan had been shot down and captured and been sent to Stalag 13. The oddness of the report _staggered_ me. I watched and waited and I saw that he did not escape. And I began seeing the reports of small losses, sabotage – suddenly the underground was more effective. And I knew what I had to do."

Hogan was curious. "What was odd about my capture?"

Klink smiled and raised his glass. "It wasn't your _capture_ that was odd." He turned to the two bound men and asked, "What is so strange about Colonel Hogan here? It was even stranger 5 years ago."

Everyone in the room looked confused, except General Simpson – who smirked. Klink saw. "General?"

Simpson said two words: "His age."

Klink smiled. "Exactly! For such a young man to achieve such rank – he must have been exceptional! Such a man not succeeding in escaping or dying while attempting it? Very odd. And so I guessed: Infiltration specialist."

Hogan chuckled ruefully. "Never thought of that one."

"Yes. And so, taking the one man I could trust I came here. You see, one family had served mine for generations. And so, when I got myself assigned as Commandant, I got him assigned as Sergeant of my guard: Sergeant Hans Shultz. A more loyal man you would be hard pressed to find."

Hogan's eyes took on the look of a deer in headlights. Klink laughed. "Yes. The only man I truly trust in all the world. He and I decided that willful blindness and incompetence would be our image: Just competent enough to not be replaced and just incompetent enough not to be promoted. It has not always been easy. Colonel Hogan, while brilliant, has the tendency to be overdramatic. I cannot count the times I was almost killed from one wild plan or another. He reminds me of Rube Goldberg except the good Colonel's plan always ended up working. I have kept him from being discovered this whole war. Stalag 13, reported as ultimately safe because there had never been an escape, became the path of choice for secret orders, new technologies, and more. All the while it was the center of defections, intelligence gathering for the Allies, and the prime reason why the Nazis have been losing this war. It is my greatest achievement.

"Never had an escape. Pah. When Sergeant Kinchly received word that his family needed him to return due to deaths in the family, I ensured he was transferred. That his guards from Stalag 17 were shot was not my responsibility. I felt no guilt as to the death of those two Nazi guards."

Hochstetter said, "You are a Nazi too. See what they do to you."

Klink shook his head. "I have never been a Nazi." He turned. "Colonel Hogan? You know my signature?" Hogan nodded. "Please look at my 'Nazi Party' identification."

Hogan did so and laughed. "That's as fake as a three dollar bill."

Klink turned to the two men. "Just be happy that I ensured that it was the Americans that captured you – the Russians love playing with Loyal German Officers … especially Generals and Gestapo. They will, at least, not use brands when interrogating you for intelligence."

He turned to General Simpson. "This map includes all known data on the position of all armies in the area as of one and a half hours ago. I hope that Stalag 13 proves useful as a base for your operations. I only ask that my loyal man, Sergeant Shultz, and I receive fair treatment and as comfortable an incarceration as possible until our status is reviewed."

Simpson nodded. "It looks like you've earned it from us. I will talk to Hogan here for a while. My men can take the steps needed to … persuade the good General and Major to talk."


End file.
